I can't believe he ruined everything. Screw you, Marion Wyden!!!
I don't know how he found the company Sam's Club membership — I'd been using it way before him — and there was no reason for him to have any access. He's a server. I work in the back. I see the membership when the manager places orders. The first time I saw the company's Sam's Club card lying around, I didn't want to use it, but the tariffs had just hit and I thought maybe I could save a few bucks. I didn't "use it" outright — at checkout I'd have them ring it on my card and scan the membership for points. Everyone got something: I paid less, the company got purchase points. No victim. Okay, fine — I may have gotten addicted. I got hold of the Costco number, DoorDash, Instacart, even a Chevron gas card. The faster checkout lines, free pickup and delivery, discounted premium petrol and professional bagging — it all made it worth it. But Marion!!! He ruined everything. I got suspicious when I saw him at Sam's Club twice after work. We get off around the same time and both try to get errands done after our shifts, but that night he happened to be in front of me at the checkout. I heard him say, "I'd like to pay with a different card, but scan this one for the points." Not only was he using the company card too — the little shit had the app downloaded on his phone and everything! If I paid right after him with the same card, it's over. So I abandoned my cart, chased him across the parking lot, and pulled him aside.
"You like it, huh? And who told you that?" I said.
"Look, man, you can't be—"
"You use it too, don't you?" I do not—"
"Yeah, you do. I saw you. Where are the groceries now?" He looked sheepish. I was really missing that last frozen lasagna. I looked at his last frozen pizza. And I was really missing that last frozen lasagna. I looked at his cart. Where did he put everything? He had it. He had the last frozen lasagna. I had been looking forward to it all week.
"Look, what if we cut a deal? You come before work, I come after."
"I don't like that."
"Oh, of course you want to come after work. That's easier — no extra trip home."
"Yeah, but I'd be more tired after work, and, plus, you live a street away from the restaurant, don't you?"
"Yeah, whatever."
"Look, man, fine, we both use it, but we have to set rules."
"Rules?"
"First rule about Sam's Club — we don't talk about Sam's Club."
"That's fair."
"Second rule of Sam's Club: we don't talk about Sam's Club," I affirmed.
"Got it, man. Jeez."
I hope he got it. If it slips up, even once — pays with the card by mistake — I'm fired. FIRED.